Thursday, April 8, 2010
004-Charmander
Charmander is a fucking baby T-Rex. A fucking fire baby T-Rex. If that is not enough to convince you this pokemon is hard fucking core, here's a little fun fact. That flame on its baby rex tail. That shit goes out, it dies. Not faints. Dies. Dead. Fucking gone. Charmander literally walks around with his life on his tail, challenging anyone to take it. Let's look at that for a second. The human equivalent of that would be to have your heart surgically placed on the outside of your chest. Then challenging other people to try and kick you in the chest as hard as they can. Don't do it. The difference between you and Charmander is that he is a flamethrower in a dinosaur skin and you're an idiot with a vital organ surgically placed outside of your body. No one's taking that fire from him (except Squirtle). Someone is going to walk up to you on the streets and smash your heart the fuck in. You have no defense. Your best attacks are Cry, Moan, and Bleed Out. Charmander's only flaw isn't even his. It's humanities. Every idiot who ever dresses up as a pokemon only does one of these two: Charmander, or Pikachu. That's it. And most go for Charmander and look like tumbling, tumbling dickweeds doing so.
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